Broken Promise

I fess up. About three minutes ago, I opened a Pepsi. The first one since September. It tastes better than I remember. So much sugary, acidy, carbonated goodness...

I remember telling myself, "no soda until you've lost 30 lbs. That should be around January 31st". Well, I've lost a whole whopping 10, then gained back 4 or 5, then lost a few. I'm in a constant state of flux between here and there. I have been good, I have perservered - yet I have not won the battle of the bulge. I made it through Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years' never touching a soda.

You might say that I've given in or you given up. I disagree. I have limited my caloric intake to 1200-1550 calories on most days (yeah there's a few that hit 2000-2200). I've exercised more than before by walking 2 miles 2-3 times a week. Obviously, this system ain't workin' for me.

So, I talked to one of my accountability people. She said, 'Ok how about you can only have one soda a week, or limit yourself to weekends?' That's a thought. I mean, if I'm eating pizza I've got to have a root beer, right?

Tea, water and juice have been my friends for the last 19 weeks. I've come to love them and I'll continue drinking my eight required glasses of water for good health.

At some point, I'm going to join Curves again. That was a great workout for me and it's fun. If I do that 4 times a week, I'm sure to see some results. I still have to limit my calories (well, fat intake and sodium intake are my worst offenders). And, I discovered I still have quite a few workout DVDs that have been used once or twice. Time to make those more useful.

I'm continuing to use Sparkpeople.com. It's a free site that helps you track your food intake and your exercise, and much more.

So, what have I learned over the last four months?
1. I love water and all that it does for my skin.
2. Raw spinach is way better than cooked spinach.
3. I can stick to a goal.
4. My friends will support me in my goals.
5. I love to walk, especially listening to Pastor Ken's sermons on my ipod.
6. My blood pressure is more in control and my acid reflux is better than it was.
7. My clothes fit better.
8. I know I can walk a little over 2 miles in 40 minutes or less.
9. A double cheeseburger at McDonalds is actually not that bad for you - and they're only $1. It's the fries that getcha.
10. Slimfast shakes taste pretty darn good.

One year ago

Tuesday marked a year since my surgery. I can't believe it's been that long. I saw my doctor last week. She took after pictures and let me see the difference between my before and after. It was staggering!

I'm still healing, I suppose. The scars are mostly gone, but aren't as clear as she expected them to be already. Plus, I have a piece of skin that didn't quite go back to where it was supposed to. My doctor said she can remove it so I'm scheduled for a 'skin tag removal' procedure on Feb. 1st.

Tuesday also marked the realization that my Grandpa's cancer is most likely back. The doctors are almost 100% sure. My family is keeping a positive attitude, but we know that this might be the illness that takes him home to God. It's hard to think about, he's my last grandparent.

One thing I hate to think about is mortality. I hardly ever talk about my fear of death. I don't want to die and it's not because I fear eternity. I don't fear that at all. Heaven is going to be amazing. But I do fear having to face the moment just before I die when I know that my time on earth with my friends and family is over. Even worse, I start to shudder when I think of my mother, father, sister or any of my very close friends passing away. I don't dwell on it but it does make me pause.

I have to rely on God that he knows what he's doing. His timing is perfect. I'm not sure why this was on my mind today, but it is. Tomorrow is another day. It's also a day I get to see my Grandpa turn 88 years old.

Do you ever think about this part of life? Does it scare you or do you have a different reaction? I'm curious to know how often it crosses other people's minds.

Random thoughts from the past year (or so)

A Myspace friend wrote one of these and I loved it. Like he wrote, some will make sense to everyone, some will make sense to a few select people and some will make sense only to me.

Thanks Josh, for your honesty and transparency.

1. Sometimes I suck at being a friend.
2. Sometimes I rock at being a friend.
3. Whatever happens, there's always tomorrow.
4. I will never feel worthy of God's love, and that's okay.
5. It takes about four martinis to give me a buzz.
6. A kamikaze lives up to its name.
7. I can't be around you all the time.
8. Caramelized banana splits are heavenly.
9. So are BBQ chicken wraps.
10. People are going to talk about me. It's up to you if you believe them or not.
11. Communication only works if both people are doing it.
12. I compare every guy to him.
13. Drunk people are funny.
14. I need a hug.
15. I don't want an open casket funeral.
16. A 3-month old baby goes through a lot of diapers.
17. A mattress on the floor with Superman sheets is an awesome place to be.
18. Massages are necessary.
19. Sodas are not.
20. Egg salad sandwiches taste really, really good on Christmas day.
21. San Diego is a long drive.
22. Starbucks is my friend.
23. I'm smarter than a fifth grader.
24. I love weddings.
25. I hate weddings.
26. Budgeting is hard.
27. Dieting is harder.
28. Bunco cannot be played in one half hour.
29. People who pay attention know where you've been when you haven't been around.
30. I'm afraid of what God thinks of me.
31. I don't want to be alone.
32. Famous people are crazy.
33. For some people, skechers are perfect wedding attire.
34. Money can't buy happiness.
35. Email forwards are not necessary.
36. I'm not going to settle again.
37. 5:00 a.m. is a time that should never be seen.
38. Straw wrappers make good toys.
39. Saying that you can't figure out why I'm still single does not help.
40. There's no place like home.