Lumpy Bed

Every so often when I come home for lunch I can't find Sarah right away. This is usually why:

Notice that "something" has messed up my sort of made bed.



Hmmm.....there seems to be a lump under there....
(secret trick, if you poke at the lump, it meows)




aha, pull away the covers more and guess what you find?
-- she loves soft, snuggly blankets! And, apparently being warm!

I've been in mourning

I haven't been posting lately - ever since I heard that Kevin was getting married life hasn't seemed quite as sunny. :( But seriously, congrats to adorable Kevin and his new ....ahem.... wife. sigh...

Tea Time

Last night I went to a tea for an awesome friend of mine in honor of her upcoming wedding. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? It was neat to see people I hadn't seen in a while and have tea and dessert while catching up.

Then the games began - well, more like an open discussion with prizes. I was assured it was everyone-friendly meaning the questions would be open to married and single ladies. Turns out, not so much. Sadly, I kept wanting to get up and go because everyone there was either married, engaged, had been engaged or in a long-term relationship or at least had a steady boyfriend. I felt really out of place. I have none of those and feel pretty alone right now. Doesn't help that the night before I was at a dinner/movie with all couples except me.
I know I'm the minority in the group - I get that - and it still makes me feel like crap sometimes.

This single life is hard! Sure there are the freedoms of being able to do whatever I want when I want but, but....

Besides, the pats on the back and the sad face sideways glances don't really help anymore. The 'you just haven't met the right one' business is an easy out kind of answer too. Why not? I've prayed and I've asked people to pray. I've joined at least five or six dating websites. Nothing has clicked. It's borderline ridiculous.

In the meantime, I get through each day, week, month hoping that this is the holiday season that I can bring home a guy for my family to meet. It hurts. It breaks my heart. But I press on.

Checked Out

I know. Where on earth did I go? I've been here and there and everywhere else, just not here. I realized this is the place where I would complain or boast or cry out or be silly. It really has no purpose for me. Plus I'm way more private than some and I'm getting worse. Call it maturity, call it realizing nobody really wants to hear all of my daily activities or events call it laziness - I don't know.

Sure there's been lots of highs and definitely some lows but I haven't wanted to share it with the world, only my closest friends. Whatever happened to physical interaction? I miss that.

I like the idea of having a voice though, knowing that at any time I can sit and type out what I'm thinking or going through. The problem with me blogging it is - I'll get it all out and it's done. I won't go back and do follow-up unless someone asks. I am really trying not to dwell too long on fleeting worries and broken relationships. Most of the time I think, "I should just sit down and get this all out" and then I sleep on it. Sure enough, the next morning I think, "Wow, good thing I didn't get that all out, I would have really been mean or whiney or something."

I know that's the whole purpose of being able to journal, but when it's all out there for everyone to read you take a BIG chance in hurting someone or saying something inappropriate. That's the polar opposite of my life's goals.

So after all that, am I going to continue my blog? I don't know. I've been really thinking of starting over and making one with a purpose that I can be passionate about. Like foreign travel or biographical stuff or tv shows or books - yeah, that sounds good.

My Life in Song

This looked fun! I'm using U2 songs (and album titles)

Using only song titles (covers count) from only one artist, cleverly answer these questions.

1. Are you male or female: Big Girls Are Best

2. Describe yourself: One Step Closer

3. How do you feel about yourself: Running to Stand Still

4. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: The Refugee

5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

6. Describe your current location: Where the Streets Have No Name

7. Describe where you want to be: In God's Country

8. Your best friends are: Sweetest Thing

9. Your favorite color is: Indian Summer Sky

10. You know that: Some Days Are Better Than Others

11. What's the weather?: Beautiful Day

12. If your life was a television show what would it be called: When I Look At the World

I am NOT a Phoenix

I'm looking into taking classes online to get my degree in a specialized field and do it faster than junior college. So, I went onto University of Phoenix's website to check into the cost. Well..of course they ask for contact info (which I hate giving out) but I thought "what's the harm? maybe they'll call once and that will be the end of it". Yeah....

Oh yes, they called once, then twice and then three times. I answered the third time and said I really couldn't talk then and I just wanted to know pricing. They said they would call back. And they did...24 times in 10 days!! I sent them to voicemail each time. It was kind of fun, for a while.

So the fun part - they called on a totally different number yesterday. I answered and the guy started to explain who he was. I stopped him and said, "oh you changed numbers to try and trick me huh? *chuckle* I thought you folks would give up after trying 24 times". Silence.

Then he said, "Ma'am, this is the first time I've called." Okay, he is either the new guy that got stuck with my number or he was lying. Either way, I made him take me off their call list and my phone has been blissfully quiet ever since.

Grandpa

This is an email I sent out to my women's small group last night at about 11:03 - 10 minutes later I got the call that he passed away. I will miss him terribly but the truth is I was already missing him. Now he is at peace and is probably bugging God about what He wants done around the gardens!

Hi all, I know you've all heard me talk about my grandpa and have prayed for him from time to time. As you know, he is very special to me and I love being able to visit with him weekly. In mid-January we celebrated his 89th birthday. He was in the best of moods and was very happy to be around all of his family and a few friends.

Since then, we have watched his health and mental capacity deteriorate. He consistently gets frustrated by his lack of independence and his inability to speak or eat due to the mouth cancer surgery he had two years ago. The last two visits I had with him, he showed signs of great confusion. His doctor confirmed that he has developed dementia. He also has told us all that he wants to just give up.

On Saturday, he had a fall and fractured his hip. We took him to the hospital and he has since been admitted. A CT scan found a large aortic aneurysm. There is no guarantee that he would even make it through surgery nor would we want to put him through any more procedures. At this point, we are treasuring the time we have left with him be it days, weeks or longer.

I went by to visit him tonight. He was resting but I could tell he is very weak. He is not eating and we know he just wants to go Home to be with God. His doctor has asked the hospital to make him as comfortable as possible. My family is ready to say good-bye and we're happy for him to soon be free of pain and limitations.

For now, life goes on as usual - staying positive that God's timing is perfect.

It's strange, you know we've been talking about God's promptings and I know for a fact that in those promptings is discernment. When I visited my grandpa in December, I walked out of his room with a strong sense that he wouldn't last more than three more months. I know God prepared me for this reality so that I could be strong.

I have been blessed to call this man my Grandpa. I've often said I have the cutest Grandpa in the world! He's been a wonderful example of a loving husband, father and man of God to me. Thank you all for being there for me. I hope to see you all at bible study tomorrow night. If I don't make it, know that I'll be with you in spirit! :)

Krista